Saw this quite long time ago, but still found it funny now...
HAHAHA.......
讓國人最爽的六個 Malaysia 極品笑話
１、Pak Lah, Najib And Sami Vellu 同坐直升機巡視。
Sami Vellu 說：'如果我丟一千塊下去，撿到那一個人一定很高興。
Najib 說：'如果我丟兩張五百元下去，那就有兩個人很高興了。
Pak Lah 說：'如果我丟十張一百元下去，就有十個人很高興了。
這個時候 ........駕駛員喃喃自語地說：'何不把自己都丟下去，讓兩千一百萬人都高興呢？
2、Sami Vellu 希望提高自己的聲望，想要發行一款有自己肖像的郵票.....
發行過了一個多月之後，Sami Vellu 想要問看看視察看看銷路如何.....
Sami Vellu ： '銷售情形怎麼樣？
郵政總局局長：'還算不錯，只不過常常有人抱怨黏不牢！
Sami Vellu ： '怎麼會呢？
Sami Vellu 隨手拿了一張郵票，塗了一點口水在郵票背面，便試貼在信封上 ....
Sami Vellu ：' 這樣不是黏得很緊嗎？
郵政總局局長： '可是......大家....都把口水吐在正面啊 ......
3、深夜，Najib 去買宵夜，結果在路上遇到搶匪 …
搶匪拿著槍指著 Najib 說：' 把身上的錢交出來！
Najib 勃然大怒說：'你這什麼態度？我可是堂堂Vice Prime Minister 耶！
搶匪：'喔，那……把我的錢還來。 '
4、某天，Prime Minister 、Parliment members...等大官一起參加一個會議，結果發生連環車禍，送至醫院急救，記者們聞風趕至醫院....
稍久，醫生出來了，記者忙著問'醫生！醫生！Prime Minister 有救嗎？
醫生沮喪的搖搖頭說：'唉 ..Prime Minister 沒救了...
記者又問：'醫生！醫生！Najib 有救嗎？
醫生又沮喪的搖搖頭說：'唉 ...也沒救了...
記者就問：'那 ...到底誰有救？
醫生精神一振說： 'Malaysia 有救了！
5、有一天Sami Vellu 往某家精神病院視察，所有的病人都站在走廊上高聲歡呼，Sami Vellu 萬歲！Sami Vellu 萬歲！
只有一名病人面無表情，對Sami Vellu 不理不睬。
Sami Vellu 看到了，問院長說：'那位病人為什麼不對我歡呼呢？
院長：'因為他今天精神非常正常。
6、一輛競選車載著Sami Vellu 競選團隊開到鄉村去造勢，不幸在山間小路上翻車。
正在農田作活的老農民看見這情景，就趕到出事地點，可是車上的人都死光了。
于是他挖了一個土坑，把幾個政客都埋了。
過了幾天，負責事故勘察的警察找到那個老農民，問他那幾個政客到哪里去了，老農民說己經埋了。
警察趕緊追問：'他們都死了嗎？
老農回答說：'嗯…，我看到Sami Vellu 在我埋他的時候大叫說他還沒死。
警察說：'那你怎麼也把他埋了？'老農說：'你知道的嘛? 這個Sami Vellu 從不說實話。
9/15/08
9/7/08
Men Are Hard To Pleased
The problems with GUYS:
If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him; If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him; If u Don't , he says u are from KAMPUNG.
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN ; If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE; If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u; If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u don't make love with him., he says u don't Love him; If u do he says u are CHEAP.
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROBLESOME; If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him; If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u. (Bullshit)
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED; If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl; If he SMOKES , he is GENTLEMAN.
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK; If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL; If he HURTS u, u are too ! SENSITIVE!! & sooo hard to please!!!!!
If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true....... but if u don't, they say u are selfish.....
Seen this long time ago...
But in order to create fairness between both sexes, I decided to post this.....haha......
If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him; If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him; If u Don't , he says u are from KAMPUNG.
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN ; If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE; If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u; If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u don't make love with him., he says u don't Love him; If u do he says u are CHEAP.
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROBLESOME; If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him; If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u. (Bullshit)
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED; If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl; If he SMOKES , he is GENTLEMAN.
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK; If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL; If he HURTS u, u are too ! SENSITIVE!! & sooo hard to please!!!!!
If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true....... but if u don't, they say u are selfish.....
Seen this long time ago...
But in order to create fairness between both sexes, I decided to post this.....haha......
9/6/08
Datuk Ahmad Ismail, Buat Laporan Polis!!!!!
Kepada Datuk Ahmad Ismail,
Kalau kenyataanmu benar-benar "dimanipulasi" oleh pemberita akhbar Sin Chew Jit Poh sehingga menimbulkan isu perkauman, LAPORKAN KEPADA POLIS!!!!!! Jangan biar individual yang salah terlepas dari kehukuman!!
Negara kita ni ada Undang-undang, Janganlah hanya menuduh pemberita yang melaporkan berita itu sebagai individual yang sepatutnya meminta maaf..
Kepercayaan terhadap pemimpin-pemimpin dari BN telah semakin kurang, siapa akan percaya kamu jika kamu tak berani melaporkan kepada polis? Biarlah mahkamah buat keputusan, semua rakyat Malaysia pun ingin mendengar kata-kata dari dua pihak.
Tapi, saya tak faham ni....
Mengapa Najib meminta maaf sedangkan Datuk sendiri mendapati beliau tak salah?? Najib berada di situ masa Datuk memberi ucapanmu, adakah Najib juga menuduh beliau?? Mangapa Najib nak buat begitu, saya tak faham ni....
Yang Berhormat Datuk Ahmad Ismail, kamu sepatutnya berani menanggung tanggungjawab, kalau kamu ingin menjadi Datuk yang DINORMATI.
Long time didnt write in Bahasa Malaysia, found it quite tough...haha.....
I truly feel that Datuk Ahmad Ismail should lodge a polis report if he feels his words being misstated. Please include Najib in the polis report as our deputy PM agreed that Ahmad's statements was disappropriate. Dont always accuse reporters when said somethings wrong, despite I know this is a common trick used by certain politicans.
BANGUN-LAH, the world is changing, Malaysia is changing as well. Dont always think that those tricks are still applicable now. Just take an example, someone told u that u were "naive", he appears 2 weeks later and tell u that he was only referring to the time when u were still a child. Haih.....Human tends to create excuses for what they had done wrong...
A simple apologise will reduce the impacts much, but this irresponsible behaviour from him just makes all Malaysians embarrassing.....
Anyway, not really important, he's just a small udang-udang, I will remember him as a racist despite he strongly deny that....haha.....Lastly, credits to UMNO national leaders like Najib, not easy for UMNO to apologise, it's a good start to form a truly united country!!!
Kalau kenyataanmu benar-benar "dimanipulasi" oleh pemberita akhbar Sin Chew Jit Poh sehingga menimbulkan isu perkauman, LAPORKAN KEPADA POLIS!!!!!! Jangan biar individual yang salah terlepas dari kehukuman!!
Negara kita ni ada Undang-undang, Janganlah hanya menuduh pemberita yang melaporkan berita itu sebagai individual yang sepatutnya meminta maaf..
Kepercayaan terhadap pemimpin-pemimpin dari BN telah semakin kurang, siapa akan percaya kamu jika kamu tak berani melaporkan kepada polis? Biarlah mahkamah buat keputusan, semua rakyat Malaysia pun ingin mendengar kata-kata dari dua pihak.
Tapi, saya tak faham ni....
Mengapa Najib meminta maaf sedangkan Datuk sendiri mendapati beliau tak salah?? Najib berada di situ masa Datuk memberi ucapanmu, adakah Najib juga menuduh beliau?? Mangapa Najib nak buat begitu, saya tak faham ni....
Yang Berhormat Datuk Ahmad Ismail, kamu sepatutnya berani menanggung tanggungjawab, kalau kamu ingin menjadi Datuk yang DINORMATI.
Long time didnt write in Bahasa Malaysia, found it quite tough...haha.....
I truly feel that Datuk Ahmad Ismail should lodge a polis report if he feels his words being misstated. Please include Najib in the polis report as our deputy PM agreed that Ahmad's statements was disappropriate. Dont always accuse reporters when said somethings wrong, despite I know this is a common trick used by certain politicans.
BANGUN-LAH, the world is changing, Malaysia is changing as well. Dont always think that those tricks are still applicable now. Just take an example, someone told u that u were "naive", he appears 2 weeks later and tell u that he was only referring to the time when u were still a child. Haih.....Human tends to create excuses for what they had done wrong...
A simple apologise will reduce the impacts much, but this irresponsible behaviour from him just makes all Malaysians embarrassing.....
Anyway, not really important, he's just a small udang-udang, I will remember him as a racist despite he strongly deny that....haha.....Lastly, credits to UMNO national leaders like Najib, not easy for UMNO to apologise, it's a good start to form a truly united country!!!
Wife vs Girl Friend
Yet,another funny forward mail I received...lol....
translation:
harimau - tiger
hari hari mahu - daily needs
Do you agree with the following statements :
Some people say :
Wife is a HARIMAU ¡¡¡¡¡ GIRLFRIEND is HARI HARI MAHU
And some say :Wife is like TV, girlfriend is like Handphone (HP)
At home watch TV, go out bring HP.No money, sell TV.
Got money change HP.Sometimes enjoy TV, but most of the time play with HP.
TV free for life but HP, if you don't pay the services will be terminated
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old, but handphone is cute,slim,curvy and very portable at any time.
Operational cost for TV is often acceptable but for HP is high and often demanding,
Most Important, TV got remote.. HP don't have..
Last but not least.......TV do not have virus, but h/p yes..........have VIRUS...............once get it, HABIS LA. ....... hahahahaha......
so better choose TV
translation:
harimau - tiger
hari hari mahu - daily needs
Do you agree with the following statements :
Some people say :
Wife is a HARIMAU ¡¡¡¡¡ GIRLFRIEND is HARI HARI MAHU
And some say :Wife is like TV, girlfriend is like Handphone (HP)
At home watch TV, go out bring HP.No money, sell TV.
Got money change HP.Sometimes enjoy TV, but most of the time play with HP.
TV free for life but HP, if you don't pay the services will be terminated
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old, but handphone is cute,slim,curvy and very portable at any time.
Operational cost for TV is often acceptable but for HP is high and often demanding,
Most Important, TV got remote.. HP don't have..
Last but not least.......TV do not have virus, but h/p yes..........have VIRUS...............once get it, HABIS LA. ....... hahahahaha......
so better choose TV
9/5/08
Airasia CEO blog
I just found Airasia CEO Dato Sri Anthony Fernandes's blog :
http://www.tonyfernandesblog.com/
"Hopefully everyone who reads this will look at it in the right spirit...positive spirit. Something all of us as Malaysians need a massive dose of."
"One of the key issues we face today is to stop great talent from leaving our wonderful country. A loss of even one talented Malaysian represents a drain on our great country."
"In this era of globalization, I hope that we can put our differences behind us and work as a united Malaysia to combat the many challenges thrown at us. "
"Let's look confidently together towards the future and strengthen our bonds as Malaysians to take our nation to greater heights."
Those are words from his blog. Pretty inspiring.......
But what happening now (referring to Ahmad Ismail's racist remark) shows that our country is still have long long way to go......
Anyway, I do believe that the future of our country will be better!!! (look in positive spirit)
http://www.tonyfernandesblog.com/
"Hopefully everyone who reads this will look at it in the right spirit...positive spirit. Something all of us as Malaysians need a massive dose of."
"One of the key issues we face today is to stop great talent from leaving our wonderful country. A loss of even one talented Malaysian represents a drain on our great country."
"In this era of globalization, I hope that we can put our differences behind us and work as a united Malaysia to combat the many challenges thrown at us. "
"Let's look confidently together towards the future and strengthen our bonds as Malaysians to take our nation to greater heights."
Those are words from his blog. Pretty inspiring.......
But what happening now (referring to Ahmad Ismail's racist remark) shows that our country is still have long long way to go......
Anyway, I do believe that the future of our country will be better!!! (look in positive spirit)
9/3/08
9/2/08
Are you a Chinese??
What makes a Chinese-CHINESE?
Please check the list to see how Chinese you or your friends really are: There are at least 29 ways to know if you're Chinese. You will laugh at yourself when you read all of them.
1. You unwrap gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those ribbons).
2. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
3. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
4. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. You use the grocery bags to hold garbage.
5. You hate to waste food: (a) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. (Your mom will give you a lecture about starving kids in Africa ).
(b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
6. You don't own any real Tupperware- only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take out containers, and jam jars.
7. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
8. You wipe your plate and utensils or wash them in a small basin of hot water before you eat every time you go to a restaurant.
9 . You own a rice cooker and a slow cooker.
10. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
11. You fight (literally) over who pays the dinner bill.
12. You have a teacup with a cover on it.
13. If you're under age 20, you own a really expensive Walkman; if you're over 20, you own a really expensive camera.
14. You're a wok user.
15. You only make long distance calls after 7pm.
16. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached - it means they're fresh.
17. You never call your parents just to say, ' Hi. '
18. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they'll ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
19. Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay indoors when you get sick. They also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked foods because such food is ' heaty'
20. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only sit 10 feet apart.
21. You always cook too much.
22. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
23. You starve yourself before going to an ' All You Can Eat ' buffet.
24. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry, electronics, or computers.
25 . You own your own meat cleaver and sharpens it.
26. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
27. You call a sausage a hotdog.
28. You wrap with napkins all the knives, spoons and forks of the airline that you fly on and put in your travel-bag as souvenirs
29. You never forget to take with you all the unused bath and facial tissues when you check out from the hotel because you believe that you have paid for it all.
Please check the list to see how Chinese you or your friends really are: There are at least 29 ways to know if you're Chinese. You will laugh at yourself when you read all of them.
1. You unwrap gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those ribbons).
2. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
3. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
4. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. You use the grocery bags to hold garbage.
5. You hate to waste food: (a) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. (Your mom will give you a lecture about starving kids in Africa ).
(b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
6. You don't own any real Tupperware- only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take out containers, and jam jars.
7. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
8. You wipe your plate and utensils or wash them in a small basin of hot water before you eat every time you go to a restaurant.
9 . You own a rice cooker and a slow cooker.
10. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
11. You fight (literally) over who pays the dinner bill.
12. You have a teacup with a cover on it.
13. If you're under age 20, you own a really expensive Walkman; if you're over 20, you own a really expensive camera.
14. You're a wok user.
15. You only make long distance calls after 7pm.
16. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached - it means they're fresh.
17. You never call your parents just to say, ' Hi. '
18. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they'll ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
19. Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay indoors when you get sick. They also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked foods because such food is ' heaty'
20. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only sit 10 feet apart.
21. You always cook too much.
22. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
23. You starve yourself before going to an ' All You Can Eat ' buffet.
24. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry, electronics, or computers.
25 . You own your own meat cleaver and sharpens it.
26. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
27. You call a sausage a hotdog.
28. You wrap with napkins all the knives, spoons and forks of the airline that you fly on and put in your travel-bag as souvenirs
29. You never forget to take with you all the unused bath and facial tissues when you check out from the hotel because you believe that you have paid for it all.
9/1/08
Some songs
KawanKu
網路大戰
麻坡的华语
One night stand
可怜的小弟
天堂 龔柯允 作詞:黃明志 作曲: M.Nasir/Loloq
Negarakuku by Yahoonamewee
Just enjoy these songs as an entertainment.....hahaha!!!
網路大戰
麻坡的华语
One night stand
可怜的小弟
天堂 龔柯允 作詞:黃明志 作曲: M.Nasir/Loloq
Negarakuku by Yahoonamewee
Just enjoy these songs as an entertainment.....hahaha!!!
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